blah christmas

Mood: Bored
Watching What Not to Wear
Reading Wicca: A Guide For the Solitary Practitioner by Scott Cunningham
Playing NOTHING. ]:
Drinking juice


Weeeell, Christmas was pretty sucky this year. I got a few good things so I probably sound spoiled but a lot of it was just depressing. ]:

List:
- I asked for: Pants that fit. What I got: Pants that were two sizes too small and didn't even button.
- I asked for: A NICE bra in my size. What I got: a hideous granny bra in my size that I could find at any Wal-Mart, which was specifically what I did NOT want.
- Sims 2, which I really wanted but can't even play since my CD drive or something is busted and my brother won't even let me try it on his computer. Woo hoo hoo.
- Danger Girl figures. Cool but I have no place to put them and I can't do anything with them. ]:
- Borders Giftcard. Yay, except my brother got one that was liek $20 dollars more or something. He doesn't read and he already has a lot of money. No fair. I can get liek one and a half books with mine. ):

Things I'm Really Happy About:
- Books. I got two books by Scott Cunningham on Wicca (even though I'm not they have lots of helpful things) and my favorite Ellen Dugan book, Natural Witchery. ^^ They'll give me something to read on the train.
- Phoenix Wright 3 and Hotel Dusk. I can't really play them until I'm on the train, though. ):
- Boots. Finally.

Boo. ]:

cute minicity thing!

Mood: Sleepy
Watching Fresh Prince


Uhh, I saw this on Shino's blog. Go to our towns and make our people pop out more babies. (Every click increases population by one.) >>

My Town
Shino's Town

Woowoo. D:

pantheism

Mood: Pensive
Listening to Kimi no Vanilla - Buck-Tick
Playing Popomundo o.o
Drinking nothing, but I'm way thirsty. DX


I asked a question about my pantheistic beliefs on Yahoo Answers today, because it was something that was bugging me about Paganism and Wicca. Before I went too far into them, I wanted to know if it was the right thing. So I asked. The question's still open, but already I've gotten good answers. My question:

Pagans: Pantheism - Where Do I Belong?
I'm beginning to embrace Paganism (not sure about Wicca because I'm not educated enough about it) but a lot of the traditions and beliefs confuse me. I feel like I'll never find a place, even though I feel that I'm on the right road. I'd rather not go too far until I have a few key things sorted out.

One of the things that makes me think is the concept of God and Goddess, though I feel like Goddess is emphasized (which I don't agree with). I personally believe that the divine/deity/universal spirit (what have you) is in everything, everyone, all throughout the universe...and has no true gender. Well, more of an androgynous figure, really, both male and female. Does that make me something other than Pagan, and does that mean I'll have to turn back and keep searching for another path? Or is this 'valid'?

Someone gave me a link to a site on Scientific Pantheism, and it seems to embody that God aspect of my beliefs (which I'm sure is most important, haha). Really, read it all. It's very interesting. I don't know if that's all I believe, but it's the first thing I've connected with PERFECTLY, not just very strongly. Even if it means I'm not Pagan (I don't think I was ever fully Wiccan, but Pagan was a definite answer), it's enlightening. I don't know what I am, but I'm not going to be frustrated about it. Just going to keep exploring and see what works for me, whether I'm Pagan or Scientific Pantheist, or Pagan AND Pantheist. A lot of pantheistic beliefs seem to be the same as Pagan ones, so I don't know. We'll see. I'll see. o.o

Edit: Searching further on the World Pantheism site, there are lots of Pagan beliefs and customs included, among other pantheistic religions. I think I'm all right with calling myself a Pagan Pantheist. XD I feel like this is IT. It's exciting. ^^

The thing is, too: it's not like I changed my belief or anything, but it's finally got a name, and one that's okay to use (not wrong, not mistaken, etc.). Names are very powerful things...and it's wonderful. I'm very happy. <3 Reading this, I'm really comforted (taken from the FAQ page):

What is the relationship between paganism and pantheism?
There are many points in common between paganism and Pantheism. Most pagans say they are pantheists. They too revere Nature and the Universe and regard them as in some sense unified wholes. They too celebrate solstices, equinoxes and other natural passages. They too have a strong environmental ethic and a deep love of nature.

Many pagans are straight pantheists, using polytheism as a metaphoric way of expressing their reverence for the Universe and Nature. Some people feel the need for symbols and personages to mediate their relationship with nature and the cosmos. There is no harm in this, as long as the symbols help us to connect to Reality and do not block or distort our view of Reality.

Pantheists can also relate directly to the universe and to nature, without the need for any intermediary symbols or deities. The cosmos manifests itself directly to us in nature and the night sky.

However, many pagans are literal polytheists, and believe in magic, reincarnation, and the irrational. Modern pantheists are not polytheists, and do not believe in magic, or disembodied spirits. Most of them do not believe in a personal afterlife, whether through reincarnation or transport to any kind of non-material "heaven."

If by the irrational, people mean a strongly emotional and aesthetic approach to nature and the universe, then we support it just as strongly as any pagan. But we see no conflict in principle between this and science, reason or logic. The findings of science have often been abused to harm nature and humans, but to correct the harm we need better, more ethical science and better public control over science and technology - not an abandonment of science. Without science we would have no hope of saving the earth, and no hope of understanding the universe we live in.

However, if the irrational means abandonment of science, reason and logic, then pantheists reject it. Once these are abandoned, all beliefs are equally valid - including racism, fascism and the wildest superstitions.

empathy

Mood: Pensive
Watching A Haunting
Playing Popomundo! X3
Eating Lumpia
Drinking water. Mmmmm! XD


Randomly thinking about empathy again. Sometimes I'm unsure if I'm really an empath or not, but I always come back to knowing I am. It explains so much. I just wish more people knew about it and understood...it's not really the easiest thing to explain to people, or explain what it does to me.

If you don't know what I'm talking about, go here.

Some people say: well if that's what an empath is, so am I! So is everyone on Earth, idiot!
No, that's not true. There's sensitivity and there's genuine empathy. It's so much stronger than everyday sensitivity...you can't know unless you are one.

I need to learn how to put up a shield (I always read this is the best solution), but I don't think I'm any good at it. Maybe I just have to learn or keep dealing with it, unfortunately. I think maybe unconsciously I've learned to shield certain things, because some things that traditionally bother empaths have stopped bothering me, since I just distance myself from them or I haven't personally experienced them myself. A lot of things still bother me, though. It's hard coping with feeling like shit all the time, and I try to pretend it's not because of empathy, but I'm really beginning to think it is.

Anyway, just something I think about sometimes...don't mind me. [laughs] I might do something more in-depth about Empathy on my Pagan blog, so I'll stop here. I doubt anyone cares. ]:

What Kind of Empath Are You? created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Artist You are an Artist Empath, one who creates their own reality and infuses the realities of others with your energy & emotions. You are poetic and sensitive. You turn your feelings into creations and share them with the world. Everything you touch turns to song and is freed by the color of your eyes. Your spirit dances with the winds and paints delight in the evening sky. (from the "Book of Storms" by Jad Alexander at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Empaths/) Artist 100% Judge 95% Universal 90% Fallen Angel 80% Healer 70% Shaman 70% Traveler 65% Precog 55%

And heeey, they're doing a fairly decent representation of Wicca on A Haunting. XD It's strange to see an understanding that it's not Satanic.... Nice work, Discovery Channel! XD Oh wait, never mind, now they're saying Christianity is the only true answer. BAD! DAMN IT! FUCK THIS SHIT! [storms off] XD

"I wouldn't advise anyone to dabble in Witchcraft." Oh shut up and go make love to Jesus. D< Here is Mike Rowe to bring my happy back. D<

generic blog title #3046

Mood: Okay, USA!
Listening to Transient - Schwarz Stein
Reading Queens 4 - Ha Sung-Hyen. \o/
Drinking juice. Yummy!


I don't really know why I'm posting yet again, but I feel like it, so I can, damn it. D:

Finally posted something non-tarot-y at my tarot blog. [laughs] I'm such a dork but I'm glad the thing's being put to use. [nods] Spells like that are hard, though. I don't have that kinda supply, dood! [shitty witch] ):

Went shopping with my brother this morning. I was considering buying Adrienne INVU but she says she's gonna buy it so I won't bother. If you can't find it, TOO BAD. I'm not buying it for you, bitch. [laughs] Now the problem is...what do I get for her! Oh, I don't know. She's hard to shop for. ]:

I settled on buying myself Queens 4 and The Other Side of the Mirror, which finally came out in English. I love Jo Chen so I figured I'd pick it up...the cover's really shiny. o_O; Didn't get around to reading yet, but I did read Queens and EEEEE! I love that book so much. [laughs] I don't know why, but it's liek my favorite at the moment. So adorable. Gyung-Ju and Pil-Hyun are a "couple" now and they're sooooo fun and cute it's unbelievable. XD Poor Pil-Hyun...being called Gyung-Ju's girlfriend. Aww. [laughs, pinches his cheek] They even slept in the same bed...! I'm surprised Gyung-Ju didn't make a move. D: Probably because poor Pil-Hyun has the biggest crush on teacher Bok-Nam, but she's busy fucking her first love. Waa! I wonder if she'll ever notice how much he likes her.... It's soap opera crazeh. Haha. I love it! D:

I think I'm getting around to really liking Gyung-Ju, too. He makes me laugh. What an asshole. XD I think he traumatized Pil-Hyun by giving him a kiss...and to make things worse, Pil-Hyun's stalker "girlfriend" took a picture of it. Hahaha. I love that book waaaay too much. D:



In other news, I started playing some bizarre browser [typed "bowser"] game called Popomundo. I roped Elysa and Adrienne (also known as Horace Iredell and Ian Stringer, respectively, haha) into playing it, but it's weird and I'm sure they're just as confused as I am. [laughs] The concept: you're a musician and you have to make your band cooler than everyone else's. It's real hard, too. D:

My character is named Dara Thorpe [laughs] and I started a rock group called Vice. Don't ask where I got the name; I was listening to Pride of Mind, okay. [laughs] It's a cute concept but the game's kind of confusing and a little TOO detailed, making it fairly difficult. But I guess that's the point, no? o.o

And Elysa has just brought to my attention this piece of hot sexellence (sorry, Adrienne, it is). Hahaha. Omg. Claire and Leon...?! OMGOMGOMGMMMG I'm going to totally have an orgasm. This is so wonderful. I don't know how I haven't heard about this (I don't keep up with game news anymore) but OMMOMGGGMGMGMmgmmgmg.

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA [goes insane from happiness]

school is over!

Mood: Relieved
Watching Harry Potter stuffs.
Eating bean and cheese burrito. Mmmm!
Drinking Gatorade. Needta replenish my electrolytes. D:


I took my comm final earlier today. Huzzah! Took me about 35 minutes. o_O; Would've been out of there faster if I didn't have to wait for Lauren to finish so I could get my pencil back. [laughs] But oh well. I'm patient! XD

I'm so glad I don't have to be at school for a long while. Back to sleeping at 7am! Well, maybe not. Hahaha. A week seemed long, so a month should be grrreat. And then I get to go to Adrienne's for most of vacation, yaaaay. :D It's weird, though. I feel like I have to go back to school on monday. It'll hit me fairly soon.

I sold my books back and have some money for once, so hopefully I can buy gifts for people. [laughs] Yay! Even if they're shitty gifts. Haha. Something is better than nothing, damn it! I'd like to make things to go along with them, but I can't really think of what I'd do. I'm also feeling soooo uncreative. DX But now that I have free time, perhaps I can get to work on a few things that I didn't have time for during school, like writing or trying to draw and get my creativity back. [laughs]

Wooohooooooooooo. [dances] Fuck you, school! I WON THIS TIME!

soup is good

Mood: Disgusting
Watching AFV
Eating tomato soup
Drinking water


Ugh, I've had the worst morning/day. I wish IBS would just die. [punches it in the stomach] ...ow. [cries] I decided I'd eat some soup to restore some sodium and whatnot, but there wasn't anything but tomato soup. Ew. I never understood why so many people eat tomato soup. I mean. It's just...tomato. I hate tomatoes. Why not just pour ketchup in a bowl and drink it up? Ew.

But I knew I needed it so I heated some up anyway. What a pleasant surprise. Tomato soup isn't bad at all. XD

p.s. Skyflakes are teh shit. Yumyum!

syzygy

Mood: So-So
Watching Fresh Prince


Well, I suppose it's official: our study circle is called Syzygy. Sweeeet. [laughs] I really liked the name so I'm glad it'll be put to use. It's interesting, unique, and means something cool. I couldn't resist; it's one of my favorite words/things. XD

I guess for now it's me, Elysa, Julianne, and Naty. I don't really know what we'll be doing yet, but I guess it's called a study circle for a reason. [laughs] I suppose we can all just figure things out as we go along and offer different perspectives on the same idea. I'm not quite sure what I can bring to it besides tarot, but I don't know if I'm good enough for that. :\ I don't really have a particular tradition I like, either. Some people go down the Celtic route, others Egyptian, others Norse.... I guess I'm more of an eclectic witch type. XD

Augh, I need a job so I can buy some good books on witchcraft. Rawr. ]:

dear opera

Mood: Indifferent
Watching the news...? I don't know, I never bothered to change the channel.
Reading Drawing Down the Moon by Margot Adler
Playing AC: WW. I'm suddenly very faithful to this game. I don't know why.
Eating Warheads. x,x
Drinking cream soda. Yum!


Dear Opera,

When our romance first began, it was like love at first sight. It was beautiful and amazing, and you helped me get over Firefox completely. Yet you may be wondering why I write this to you now.... Unfortunately, dear, it has come to an end for us as well. The memories of your initial devotion will always linger with me, and I will say many good things about you, but you too have let me down. Lately you just haven't been the same, and I must move on.

My new love has been right under my nose this whole time. Many people think that Safari is lame, or that he isn't right for me, but they're wrong. He's great! He's reliable and works when I need him to. He might not be much to look at, but he does everything I ask just how I want him to.

I hope you understand. I didn't mean to hurt you...but...you let me down. It was a lovely four months, but now they've come to an end. Perhaps our paths will meet again, but for now, it's over.

I'm sorry.
-x

whatever happened to daniel johns?

Mood: Bored
Listening to Stay in the Rain - Klaha
Watching Weird Al videos. I'm not kidding. I'm THAT bored.
Reading Drawing Down the Moon
Drinking cream soda

E D I T

Listen to the godly sexy Godot. Well, you have to, because I've finally disabled comments on this post, because I'm sick of hearing about you fucking whiny bitches. Also, I am referring you all to the Ass Stick Removal Clinic to help you all with your little...problem. Come on by!

Original post follows below, to spite the Daniel Johns Sweatband Tribute Fan Club:
HE GOT UGLY AND HORRIBLE AND RUINED MY HOPES AND DREAMS, THAT'S WHAT!!!

After seeing him a while back looking like that, I couldn't believe it was the same person. In fact, I still don't believe it is. I don't know how it can be. I JUST CAN'T. And now, after all this time, I am prompted to reexamine this.

Perhaps Daniel Johns was always ugly and I merely imagined he was one of the thirty-two actual pretty men alive in the world, I thought to myself. After all, childhood memories can be vague and disappointing when revisited...!

But this was the man who kick-started my pretty-man-love! I started drawing them left and right partly because of his prettifluence! Could he have always been ugly? Unfortunately, going back and looking at him before, the answer is: no, he was not always this horrifying.

HE WAS SO PRETTY, HE REALLY WAS. [sobs!] What a shame. He's not even thirty yet and he looks like he's nearing forty-five all of a sudden. Terrible. I will just pretend he still exists somewhere in the world, being pretty. And anorexic.

In Memory Of: The Other Daniel Johns. RIP, beautiful man with ratty hair.

I hate group speeches.

Mood: Stressed
Watching Dirty Jobs
Reading Drawing Down the Moon - Margot Adler
Eating DX


I'm sooooooo stressed and I don't know why. On the surface I feel a little tired, but that's all. Yesterday and the day before I was dizzy and sick, and today I woke up with the most horrendous stomachache in the world, and I know it's all because of stress. Bleeeh. My group is going to fail. WOOHOO! ]:

I really need to be focusing on other things, but unfortunately I can't. GRR.